I started this blog 2 years ago and I seriously can’t believe how time freakin FLIES!!!
People always ask me why I started this blog.
2 years ago, I started Do The Hotpants (originally Blind-Stab lol) because I thought my life and weird fashion sense was interesting and I wanted to share it with people.
When I started this blog, I didn’t have an agenda.
Except to be perfect.
2 years ago I hated my body…even though I was skinnier than I am now.
And starting this blog proved to be a terrifying challenge to what little self confidence I had.
I wanted to hide every imperfection, but they were displayed for all the world, or at least the photographer, to see.
The thought of a photographer zooming in to fix lipstick on my teeth or caked on makeup was terrifying, even worse them seeing my acne or cellulite blown up on their computer monitor.
When a photographer asks if you want your thighs made skinnier, it stings.
I never again wanted to hear suggestions about how my body should look.
So I became highly skilled at photoshop, so I could edit my own damn pictures to my own damn personal standards.
As I got more and more caught up in the world of fashion, instead of loving myself, I began hating my body more and more.
My self worth became intrinsically tied to the popularity of my blog.
The pressure of maintaining my weight began to weigh on me (no pun intended).
If I was asked to model for a brand, I would do a juice cleanse 5 days before so I’d look my skinniest. It didn’t matter if I wanted to eat someone’s arm off by the 3rd day.
Or I would go to New York Fashion Week to be photographed (this is what bloggers do, so a photo of them gets on a streetstyle blog and they become internet famous), and I would almost go into a panic attack knowing I’d be displaying my flaws in front of tons of photographers while supermodels walked by me.
“What if I’m too ugly/too fat/not good enough?” – These are the questions I would ask myself.
If you ever want to feel super shitty about yourself, go to NYFW. If you look skinny/pretty/cool/sexy/whatever and you’re lucky enough to get your photo taken, just wait until someone skinnier/prettier/cooler/sexier/whatever-er walks by, and all the photographers flock to them and leave you standing there alone.
Fashion doesn’t care about your brain. Just the brand of your shoes and the inches between your thighs.
The whole thing…blogging…fashion….was just so….shallow.
And on top of that, I was in a vicious cycle trying to maintain a fashionable weight.
If I was going to shoot an outfit on a Saturday, I’d crash diet on Friday.
The pressure of being perfect was breaking me.
So I got out.
It took a while to find my own agenda, but I took down the advertisements on my site. I don’t go to fashion weeks anymore. I’ve stopped exercising 7 days a week to maintain blogger weight.
Most noticeably I stopped posting on the blog 3 times a week, because my self worth is not measured by how many Instagram followers I have, how many photographers like my outfit at Fashion Week, or how popular my blog is.
My self worth is measured by my relationship with my friends and my family. Loving my job. Being happy. Going to the beach on weekends in the summer. Staying in on a Friday night making music on my piano in bed. Being a trusted friend with a soft shoulder for others to cry on.
My self worth is measured by how much I enjoy my life.
And a blog, even if it’s your full time job, is not life.
I eat when I’m stressed.
I don’t have clear skin.
I have an imperfect nose.
I have flaws.
Just like EVERYONE IN THE WORLD.
But it has taken me a long time to get to this place.
I am thankful to have this body. It gets me around. It’s also the only body I’ve got, so there’s no point in fighting with it.
I still love it, even when I bend to the side and I get stomach rolls like below…
2 years ago, I would have rather been hit by a bus than post the above photo!!!!
It still wasn’t easy to post it now, but I am not my fat or my curves. When you talk to me, you’re talking to my brain, not my stomach.
I am worth SO much more than any magazine wants me to believe.
Unfortunately it took me a couple years to realize this.
So My Dear Readers,
Thanks for sticking with me <3
And here’s to another 2 years of continuing to learn to love yourself.
Because, like RuPaul says:
“If you don’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else.”
Lipstick : MAC Ruby Woo / Top : Babooshka Boutique Vent Tee (tied in a side knot) / Pants : Forever 21 / Shoes : Joe’s Jeans / Hat : Vintage / Bra : American Apparel
So proud of you and your journey! Love you Dana!
Thanks Viv. Love you too bae.
I was moved by this post. Thank you for being so honest. You are amazing!
aww thank you Alice. so happy putting myself out there can help others <3
I love this post and you! I’m so proud and inspired by you! Now more than ever.
blushhhhhh <3 <3 <3 love u
Thank you for posting this! It’s really amazing to hear someone who actually cares about and is inspired by fashion saying these things. I’m not sure exactly how to phrase it but having a point of view that comes from neither extremes (starve for it/totally hates it) regarding fashion is just what is missing in the media. So many girls can totally relate to this so thanks for vocalizing it so that there’s some thing in the media to celebrate fashion but realize the things that are truly important about wearing clothes.
My friend Nero Nava told me about your blog. I have been in a few of his bands but I’m now doing my own solo project. I wasn’t really even going to tell you that because it doesn’t matter! I still wanted to express how much your blog meant to me regardless of our 6° of separation.
Keep it up hotpants!!!!
Sorry for my delayed reply, but thank you so much for your support my love <3 Excited to see you in NYC!
Happy Blogger Birthday Hotty-P! Can’t believe it’s been two years, I’m so glad I stumbled upon your Instagram account all that time ago. You’re a beautiful person Dana, and that would still be the true if you published solely text without Ariel’s great photographs. You really are a beacon amongst all the perverse media pressures that are inflicted upon society, and had dothehotpants’ message only affected you and your self esteem then it will have totally been worth it, but I think we all know you’ve reached far more than just you. Congratulations on making a difference :)
N.B. “Imperfect nose” – bullsh*t!
Dru!!!! thanks again for the comment, and the postcard <3 I look forward to the day we meet and don't have to rely on social media to tell each other how terrible starbucks is ;)
my perfect nose says hi :)
Not gonna lie, I felt this way until last week, only because I’d found photographers who knew what to shoot and how to shoot it. I still see myself the same way I looked in middle school, awkward, bulky, etc. And ironically, my blog will also be two years old in three weeks, and I feel like at this point, the content has to be perfect, aka my style or my written work, because I came to the realization this morning that fashion blogging was never meant to be a beauty pageant. There’s still room for other talents, since everyone seems to be a pro at putting an outfit together. Knowing that a) I see myself completely differently than those around me, and b) I have a brain, makes not having an ideal figure or money to buy all the coolest brands or long flowy hair or a thigh gap easier to deal with. As long as I force myself to see the bright side of every image my photographer shoots, it becomes easier to focus on actual substance.
I should stop eating Cheetos and pizza though.
NEVER STOP EATING CHEETOS AND PIZZA. EVER EVER EVER!!!!!!!!!!
It’s hard to come to the conclusion that fashion blogging is NOT a beauty pageant. Considering everyone thinks it is :(
We are fighting upstream mama. But little things, like posting our bodies how they really are, helps pave the way for our friends, our mothers, our daughters.
We are fighting the good fight now so our future kids can eat cheetos and pizza without fear.
Congratulations on your 2nd blog anniversary! The text on this post is definitely one of the best I have ever read! clap clap
xoxoxoxoxoxox <3 <3 <3
I would just like to say that I, like many others really recognize myself in what you say! One day I think my body is the best, the next everything is wrong and I’m so tierd of this anxiety that’s stealing so much energy that I would like to put on things that are worth it. I’m not there yet, but when I read this I get hopeful that I will be there someday. I’m so happy for you Dana for feeling better about yourself and thank you for the coolest blog ever <3
every time i read your comment i have the hugest smile on my face. it’s nice to know I’m doing SOMETHING right with my life. Ebba, thank you for your support and the extremely kind words. I don’t know where you are, but if you’re ever in NYC and want to talk bodies, I’m always here! xoxo
I’m on the other side of the water in Sweden but I would love to go to NYC sometime, that would be awesome! Puss å kram! :)
When I go to Sweden I will let you know!! <3
You are wise beyond your years my sweets.Your body has the capability to delight.please,amaze & inspire.It will carry you to the end. Carry on….
Debbie, that means so much to me. thank you for your support!
Instead of hating your body! Why didn’t you join the gym! We all hate our bodies more or less. I am not crazy about my body either even though i am skinny and toned! My friends and boyfriend loves it. So i will do whatever it takes to love it more.
Not only that you’re bloggers do that to yourself but you do that to your readers. If you feel less than happy about yourself after photoshopping your (lovely) tummy, imagine how one feels without the help of photosop sitting at the monitor feeling miserable having love handles. It’s a terrible way to feel…
I never hated my body before the birth of fashion blogs but over the years became miserable for not loooking so slim and happy and not being able to purchase 3-4 new outfits a week.
I think bloggers have a huge responsibility toward their readers which they very willingly overlook nowadays.
I’m very unhappy with myself even when I shouldn’t be because of the things that IT bloggers do…it’s stupid and I know many would say I can only blame myself for not having more confidence in me…but the reality..we are under huge pressure trying to compete with super edited images…
Thanks for sharing, thanks for taking the time to open up to come out and reveal how false this whole fashion thing is.
We all love dressing up…I wish it wasn’t so goddamn serious how well you dress as it has become these days…even for the girl next door.
*apologies for my grammar
What a blinkin brilliant and lovely post.
aww thanks Susie!!!! <3