Yum. Liquified Kale. My favorite.

I don’t know why I decided to pay hundreds of dollars to have Salma Hayek feed me 50 cents of parsley for 5 days..

Maybe it’s because I’ve eaten nothing but pizza since I moved last week and now I feel like garbage. Or maybe it’s because I had a sack of money lying around and felt like donating it all to this woman.


double gross

Ok. In all honesty, the juice tastes pretty good. And I feel like I’ve been eating drinking healthier in the last two days than I have in the last 2 years.

But the feminist in me wants to slap the shit out of the juicing me.

Do I want to lose weight? Sure

Do I want to be healthier? Why not

Is this just another gimmicky fad that is going to have no effect on me whatsoever? PROBABLY

Should I really just learn to love myself and blah blah blah blah…..? MOST DEFINITELY

Just FYI if you hear of another zombie face eating attack, don’t worry, it was just me needing some protein.

So while I sit here and ask myself WHY AM I DOING THIS????????????…enjoy this gem of a jam my friend Prince Language tirelessly helped me track down that has nothing to do with anything.


p.s. if you don’t hear from me in a few days, i’m dead.


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